Derby`s Vets returned to league action this Saturday with a home fixture against a very capable looking Worksop 2nd XV. Sir Ralph stepped in for the injured skipper following his “one round dust up” the week before with Glyn Castledine covering as “Captain of Vice” for the long term injured Martin Kent (the real one). This was definitely a new look Vets side that faced Worksop at the kick-off.

Derby struggled to get to grips with a strong Worksop pack first-half which meant that a very talented back line was starved of good possession. Before long Worksop had found a gap out wide which saw their winger opening the scoring with a try in the corner. The conversion was missed. More pressure followed and Worksop were awarded a couple of penalties but fortunately for the Vets only one was successful leaving the half-time score 0 – 8 to Worksop.

Half-time saw a number of changes as it became clear that Derby needed to get their hands on the ball. Following brave performances from both Felix Frixou and Graham Darby on the back-row, they were replaced by Norm Collier and Mick Thomson. This allowed Campbell Wigley to make his debut for the Vets alongside Sir Ralph in the centre. With KMM and Pip Redfern replacing Jimmy Saville and Paul Draycott it was time for the second-half. The half-time talk had focused on the need to play the game rather than chase it and so a reshuffled Vets team set off with renewed hope and what a half it turned out to be.

Firstly Steve Loomes scored out wide and with Jon Mabbitt remembering to bring his kicking boots the successful conversion made it a one point deficit. Not long after Young Norm, seemingly everywhere, got in on the act with a try under the posts and again Mabbs converted. Next up was ‘Twinkle Toes’ himself. Big Mick danced over the line and guess what…..yes, that’s right Mabbs slotted home the conversion.

With the score now 21 – 8 to Derby and the home side seemingly cruising, Worksop struck back as they pounced on a mistake by Derby to bring the score back to within 6 points at 21 – 15. However, normal service was resumed shortly after as Pip Redfern ran over to touch down in the corner. Sadly Mabbs missed the conversion but it didn’t detract from a very impressive second-half performance. Some wonderful passages of flowing rugby had produced four super tries and with it an all-important bonus try.

Highlights? Well, as always there were plenty. Campbell Wigely jinking his way through the Worksop defence. Keiron Murphy keeping the Vets in the game during first-half with some heroic play as well as setting up the equalising try. Micky ‘T’ who it has to be said made all the difference in the second half. But the most memorable would have to be Simon Joslin as he was seen cleaning the sights on his sniper rifle after realising that the only way back onto the pitch was to take out a certain Veteran loose-head prop forward!! Let’s hope his intended target doesn’t find out!!

Next Saturday welcomes Lichfield to Derby as they attempt to make it six wins out of nine.

Match Report by Ginger “One-Round” Messam for Boxing Weekly

With the Vets crammed into the “Battle Bus”, luggage stowed away and tray tables and seats in the upright position they set off towards Melton Mowbray via South Wales. This fixture is always fiercely contested but also immensely enjoyable with honours just about even between these two sides over recent years.

The Vets were greeted with an offer of players from the Melton Mowbray club as both their 3rds & 4ths games had been cancelled. Although the Vets had 15 fellow warriors injured or on family duties, they were still able to field a very competitive side with debuts from Paul Draycott and Glyn Dring (was that my phone?).

Derby realised that a lot of the Melton players wouldn’t have played together before so the emphasis was on “starting well and exploiting this potential weakness” - especially up front.

The game kicked off with both sides wanting to play rugby. Early exchanges were even but as the game wore on Derby began to pressure which lead to the first try, or so we thought! A change of direction saw the ball move out to Felix Frixou on the wing. With two players to beat and the skipper in support he played a lovely weighted grubber kick for him to run onto only for the referee to disallow it on the grounds that he was unsighted and could not be sure the ball was touched down inside the dead ball area!

Derby piled on the pressure and was soon awarded a penalty ten metres from the Melton line. Electing to run the Vets came close before being stopped on the line by some solid defence. A few positional changes were required as the skipper left the field for his usual “once a week” cut head. The Prosecutor was on hand to witness the assault from one of his own players and no doubt regardless of this players upstanding position in the Leicestershire Police Force he will still have to answer to the judge!

Just before half-time Melton Mowbray had managed to get themselves back into the game but were also denied a try as the referee awarded a five metre scrum. As the half-time whistle blew the 0 - 0 scoreline didn’t really do the game justice as both sides had refused to give any quarter.

The second-half saw Melton bring on some new faces. New faces that also had fresh legs! They started the second-half much better and following a Derby mistake in the midfield area were able to run the ball under the posts for the first score. Within minutes the Vets had launched a counter attack but as Melton cleared, a nasty looking bounce saw them score their second try out wide to make the score 12 – 0.

Derby, knowing they needed to score next, applied pressure on the Melton forwards, ensuring reasonable ball for the backs to work with. As the phase count grew the gaps began to appear as finally Derby got their just rewards with a try under the posts scored by Steve Loomes. With the conversion good and the referee indicating 10 minutes left the Vets went looking for the winning score but sadly they ran out of time.

Both sets of players left the pitch chatting about the game and heading for the club house to share a few beers. To Melton Mowbray`s credit all their players, regardless of whether they played for the 3rds, 4ths or Vets, were of Vets age.

Highlights? Well there was one collective highlight for this reporter, the ability of this Veterans outfit to put up, yet again, such a spirited performance regardless of availability and opposition.

Match Report by Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross

For some reason the Derby players all suffered a collective bout of amnesia in forgetting that most of them were on the wrong side of 40! In an effort to beat their younger opponents at their own game they came off second best and soon found themselves conceding points. All they had to do was slow the game down, retain possession and be patient - those gaps would appear and the points would follow. However, they pressed on with some reckless rugby and were most fortunate to be only 3 points adrift at half-time when the whistle went for the break. From two good passages of play Rich Beevers had forced his way over in the left-hand corner and Ralph Knibbs had sliced his way through under the posts - Dave Pickering converting. After some stern words and a few home-truths during the break the second-half performance was an improvement on the first 40 minutes but still mixed in were the occasional moment of madness balanced with some lovely phases of play. One superb movement of the ball was finished off by left wing Felix Frixou. Receiving the ball on the visitors 22 line he homed in on their smallest and youngest of players before giving him the full hand-off in the face treatment. From the Belper section of the crowd it was learned that the poor boy was only 5’4” and barely 12 years old - what a bully Felix is! Again Pickering converted the extras.

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Following the good comes the bad and the ugly! Following some quick recycling the ball was spun out to the right through several pairs of hands - which included the rare sight of Derby`s talkative no.5 passing the ball!. However, with the line at their mercy the final pass was dropped! Soon after the Belper boys attacked Derby`s right-hand flank eventually being waved through to the try-line by a defensive lapse!

Thankfully Mr Gregson blew his whistle to end the agony for Derby`s faithful fans on the touchline. Somehow Derby had come away with a win having tried very hard to lose! Next up for these boys would be County duty on the following Tuesday - well, it would have been if they had been invited to participate!!

Derby Vets 22 - 20 Belper 2nds

Match Report by Paul McCartin for The Derbyshire All-Stars

It seems a long time since any side from Derby have beaten a Matlock side on their own soil, so a lot was at stake as the Veteran Warriors travelled up the A6 to face a very capable Matlock 3rds.

Indeed it was clear from the start how this Matlock side had managed to defeat our Development XV just three weeks earlier as they started the stronger - winning ball up front with ease and slowly edging their way nearer the Veterans try line.

No need to panic though as Derby’s first-up tackling was superb and very decisive! Pretty soon the Vets had weathered the storm and began to pressurise the home side`s young fly-half, forcing him to kick away a lot of ball.

With Johnny Mabbitt looking very at ease in the no. 10 shirt, he used the ball wisely by mixing up his kicking and passing.

Pretty soon gaps appeared in midfield as Sir Ralph, teasing his opposite number, put Norm Collier through for the first score out wide. With the conversion narrowly missed the opening score was 0 - 5 to Derby.

Sensing the opportunity to forge ahead the Vets pressed the midfield with a rush defence that saw Young Norm pounce for a second try - this time finishing under the posts. Derby`s Entertainments Officer, Rich Beevers, duly obliged with the conversion to make the score 0 - 12.

Unrest grew in the Matlock ranks as Derby’s forwards began to take control. With the back row now covering most of the pitch, ably assisted by the front five this meant that another score was on the cards. So it proved as the Vets combined to score the try of the season so far with every player touching the ball at least once before Sir Ralph with an outrageous dummy scored wide out in the corner. Once again the conversion was narrowly missed making the score an impressive 0 - 17.

One player in particular was causing Matlock all sorts of problems, Steve Loomes. Having made his Vets debut last Saturday, Steve really found his feet and boy were they fast!

The fourth try was another team effort with Loomes finishing off a break down the left wing before passing to the ever present, Marathon Man, Phil Houlton, who decided to waltz around with his tackler in the in-goal area before touching down. With the conversion missed the score was now a very respectable 0 – 22.

In fairness to Matlock they rallied with five minutes to go in the first-half, eventually scoring a try under the posts. As the kick was converted the referee blew for half-time - the score standing at 7 - 22.

The half-time talk focused on the need to score first in the second-half and not allow Matlock back into the game. Not wanting to disappoint the Vets, again with their rushed defence, forced an error which resulted in Norm Collier intercepting a stray pass for a try under the posts.

All the Vets were particularly pleased as it was rumoured they would celebrate their win by calling in at a very popular pub in the Makeney area, where in keeping with rugby tradition Young Norm, ever eager to please his older chums, would purchase a jug of the landlords finest ale!

With the Veterans answer to Bruce Forsyth that timeless classic, Rich Beevers, rounded off a fabulous game with a conversion that made the score 7 - 29.

Derby pressed for more points but it was Matlock who had the last say with a breakaway try of their own under the posts to make the final score 14 - 29.

Highlights? Well there were many but here’s a few…..Trevor Lafferty staying with the pace for the whole of the game and not getting turned over once!

Master Bates, The Forklift, AKA Kieron Murphy, Marathon Man, Phil Houlton and the skipper making some crunching tackles. Also Glyn Castledine, again rising like a majestic spawning salmon in the line-out, securing Derby’s ball as well as disrupting Matlock’s.

Rob Booth finding his lungs and making great yards in the second-half together with Anthony Broderick giving his all and punching well above his weight in the 2nd row.

My personal favourite was the sight of Simon Joslin out running every player on the pitch as he chased his marquee that had blown over earlier!

And so after a swift one with the Matlock players the Vets indeed found themselves at a very, very popular pub in the Makeney area joined by fellow crocked Warriors Sean Eley, Captain of Vice, Martin Kent and the legend that is Danny Gillespie for a round of pork pies and a burst of “Sloop John B” - does it get any better?

Match Report by Dickinson and Morris for Pork Pie Monthly

Following the disappointing news that Bingham 1sts had cried off due to having too many key players missing, Derby`s Vets were entered into the “pool” hoping for a home fixture. They got their wish and were drawn against a very youthful looking Ashbourne 2nds.

With the coin tossed and the usual exchange of pleasantries out of the way, Dave Richards kicked-off to get the game underway. Spotting a huge hole Richards took a short kick and re-gathered successfully 15 yards into the Ashbourne half only for the referee to pull everyone back for a “knock-on”!

From the resulting scrum the Vets announced their intentions by allowing the ball to flow down the line in an attempt to play a wide and expansive game. Unfortunately, moment’s later, disaster struck. As Dave Richards tackled his opposite number his arm was wrenched backwards tearing ligaments in his shoulder. The end result is that he will almost certainly be out until December. This was a real blow for the Vets as their fly-half had started the game so well and would no doubt have caused Ashbourne all sorts of problems.

Jon Mabbitt, now re-acquainting himself with the number 10 shirt, picked up where Richards had left off by looking to run at every opportunity.

Ashbourne seemed a little surprised at the interruptions and following a long kick to touch they rushed a quick throw-in deep in their own half. The ball was very nearly caught by the Derby skipper only for the referee to judge it a “knock-on” - again!

Derby`s centres were looking menacing. Rather than attempt to run around their opponents they carved through the Ashbourne defence with clever angles. This led to Derby’s opening score with Norm Collier touching down to the right of the posts. Richard Beevers, taking over the kicking duties, just missed the conversion leaving the score at 5 - 0.

Ashbourne realising that they had a game on their hands, came straight back at Derby. They managed to work their way up the field following some clever tactical kicking by their fly-half. Derby dug deep though and after some heroic tackling, particularly by Graham Darby, they managed to keep Ashbourne at bay. Maybe due to one heavy tackle too many but Graham later confessed to not remembering anything about the first-half - nothing new there then!

Eventually though the pressure told as Ashbourne put together a number of phases that saw their no.8 breaking a couple of tackles before scoring under the posts. With the conversion successful the half-time score stood at 5 - 7.

The half-time talk focused on taking them on up front and using the “pick and drive” in an attempt to suck the Ashbourne defenders that were hanging around the fringes.

It was Ashbourne however that started off the second-half in the better style. They were quicker to the breakdown and were able to steal the ball as the Vets kept insisting on going to ground rather than staying on their feet. Once again Derby’s defence was strong as they stood their ground refusing to give way and after 10 minutes they had weathered the storm.

It was at this point that Derby took hold of the game. Thanks to Matt Bates and Glyn Castledine disrupting the Ashbourne line-out, Derby began to enjoy more of the ball. Their “pick and drive” began to work and they started to choose the right options which opened up the Ashbourne defence.

Chances were created. With players out wide the final pass was unfortunately dropped (well, what actually happened was this - the ball was fly-hacked in mid-air but out of respect we will spare the blushes of the player who had found himself out on the wing!).

Next came a break down the middle from Phil Houlton who, with options either side, was brought back because the referee had judged the pass to be forward!

Finally, Kieron Murphy, now on for Andy Cripps, was causing havoc at the base of the scrum. Having spotted that Ashbourne were up flat he kicked behind their defence only for an outrageous obstruction preventing Derby from gathering the ball and scoring.

Sadly none of this pressure was translated into points and with 10 minutes left Ashbourne once again cleared their lines and were able put some structure back into their game. Frustrations grew as the Vets seemed destined not to get any decisions from the referee - the latest of which lead to a penalty in front of the posts for the visitors. Ashbourne, to their credit, elected to kick for touch after some debate with a number of the Derby players.

From the resulting line-out they recycled quickly to set up the perfect angle for a score. The conversion was good and with very little time left the game ran out to leave Ashbourne the eventual winners at 5 - 14.

There are two ways of looking at this game. One is to take the view that the Vets did well against a very young and well accomplished side. The other is to think about the wasted opportunities which could have led to a deserved victory. I`ll leave you, the readers to decide. In the meantime the Vets travel to Matlock next week with a squad ravaged by injury and availability problems but full of spirit.

Match Report by Red Adair

Once again it was all aboard the “Battle Bus” for a thirty minute ride to East Leake, venue for the Vets first league game of the season. A big thank you goes to Gwent Paylor for travelling from Derby to referee the contest – without him the game would not have taken place.

With a change in the weather it was more sun cream than wet suits unlike last week. As the veteran warriors changed Mick “twinkle toes” Thomson unveiled a protective suit that Russell Crowe of Gladiator fame would have been proud of – much to the amusement of his team-mates.

A strong looking East Leake side won the toss and elected to play uphill in the first-half. Derby shaded the early exchanges but there was nothing in it as both teams struggled to get any continuity between forwards and backs.

Breaks where restricted to the midfield area were Norm Collier, ably supported by the ever-present Graham Boyd (the slimmer of the two brothers) were the only players that looked like causing problems. Towards the end of the first-half East Leake decided to take matters into their own hands attempting to boss the Vets up front. Frustrations eventually boiled over as the referee stepped into to separate the two sets of forwards.

At half time the vets focused on playing their own game by slowing things down a little and playing at a pace more suited to this group of ageing athletes. This seemed to work as the Derby started to put some structure to their game. This time it was East Leake who grew frustrated, eventually giving away two kickable penalties. Up stepped Dave Richards who opened his account for the Vets by slotting the second kick to make the score 0 – 3.

Back came East Leake piling on the pressure, and following some heroic defending by Derby they were awarded a 5 metre scrum. Before the scrum could take place a number of injured warriors required treatment. Sadly Mick Thomson was stretchered off the field and later diagnosed with three broken ribs. If only he hadn`t taken off his Robo-Cop outfit at half-time!

After a 15 minute delay the game resumed with Derby forced into changes. As the ball was put into the scrum Derby drove East Leake back 10 yards counter attacking the full length of the pitch, only for the ball to be turned over 5 yards from the East Leak line.

Moments later the referee blew for time and Derby had hung onto a slender 3 point lead to record their first win of the season……..but at what cost?

With the Vets struggling to find any fluidity in their play, together with key players such as Max Allen, Mick Thomson and Graham Boyd out through injury, it is going to be a long, hard season.

Final score East Leake 2nds 00 - 03 Derby Vets

Report by Sid James and Hattie Jacques

Report by Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire